Firstly, let me tell you how much the idea of warm mayo freaks me out. Some things just shouldn’t be warmed up. Like guacamole.
And, look, I’m pretty partial to horrible non-chickeny frozen chicken nuggets. That warm, crumbed goodness dipped in tomato sauce reminds me of being a child. So this challenge of a roll containing frozen chicken couldn’t be too bad, I thought to myself.
Heat for 2 minutes and eat. No problem.
Weird frozen chunks of chicken meat sit precariously within the crevice of the frozen bun. It’s frozen so you can’t push the meat back into the bun. The “mayo” looks non-existent – I expect the frozen mayo to be holding that bun together. I slowly balance the cardboard tray over to the microwave, set the timer and wait for it to “cook”.
Upon taking out of the microwave, the chicken is piping hot. It smells like bread and nothing else. The chicken has no smell. In fact, the chicken pieces look a little funny. They themselves are covered in a weird goopy, starchy sauce which I figure to be the mayo.
Time to tuck in.
There’s only three components – bread, chicken and mayo.
- Bread: horrendously dry and tough. I’ve sussed out by now that this is just the way that frozen-and-then-microwaved bread is.
- Chicken: really bland. The sparse remnants of roast chicken skin actually taste like roast chicken – a touch of herb and spice. The texture of the chicken is a texture unlike chicken; it’s almost spongy. You bite and weird juices ooze out.
- Mayo: somewhat reminiscent of real mayonnaise but it mostly just adds a slimy, “moist” texture to an otherwise very dry bread roll. It’s also super weird at a hot temperature.
The whole time I eat this, I struggled to make the connection between what was in my mouth and roast chicken.
Incredibly edible but not enjoyable when the real thing is so much better AND cheaper.