Frozen: the Gnocchi episode

Slight deviation form the usual Frozen programming (cheeseburger, donut, roast chicken roll). This is a newer product that only hit shelves last year.

Frozen pasta that gets cooked in a pan – requires actual cooking in a pan to make you feel like you are cooking real food. As opposed to microwaving frozen pasta.

Psychology by food marketing teams is a fickle thing.

In any case, we tried frozen gnocchi. “Gnocchi napoli” with a rich tomato, mozzarella and basil sauce.

The instructions claims that it takes 7 minutes! :O It only needs one pan!
This is so much easier than cooking a real meal from scratch! *wipes sarcasm off the keyboard*

And it serves 2 people!
In all honesty, I could’ve eaten this all in one serve.

Maybe it serves two people as a side dish. The friendly suggestion on the packet mentions adding strips of fillet steak to beef things up. Obviously to make up for the small serving size and make you feel like you’ve cooked a meal from scratch.

Let’s open it up.

Firstly, the packet is about 75% air.
There are little chips of frozen sauce with frozen gnocchi pieces in a napoli sauce.

Instructions are simple. Add to pan whilst still frozen and cook for 7 minutes.

It looks slightly remisce of vomit.

The texture of the gnocchi was not a pillowy soft cloud of potato. It was a lumpy gnocchi with a slimy exterior and a tough interior that had too much resistance, like the biting through the centre of a Mentos dragée but pre-dissolved in slimy saliva.

The sad excuse of a napoli sauce was overly sweet and had a weird thickened texture – probably a result of starch from the frozen gnocchi. It was also orange. I’m not sure what components of a simple napoli sauce turns it orange-hued. But there it is.

Looking at the ingredients, a large portion of the napoli sauce was tomato juice, followed by water, then actual tomatoes. A touch of chilli added some heat/flavour to an otherwise bland tasting sauce.

The mozzarella cheese did the job of adding flavourless stringy texture. Again, adding to the slimy, homogenous sauce. Far cry from the photo on the packet featuring visible tomato pieces. I was impressed that there was sufficient cheese in the meal to cling to the wooden spoon.

The whole dish was a tomato-based meal of gross textures. The size of the gnocchi in combination with the slimy texture could result in a choking hazard. This didn’t actually happen. But I could easily see it happening. BE WARNED.

KILLER GNOCCHI. It’ll either kill you, or your taste buds.

Definitely way less edible than some of the other frozen foods I’ve tried thus far. Bottom of the rank. Bleargh.

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One thought on “Frozen: the Gnocchi episode

  1. Pingback: Frozen: Pizza Pocket | Eating my way through life.

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