Frozen: the Pizza Pocket episode

It’s been FOUR months since my last Frozen food product review. For Frozen gnocchi.

This time I re-visit the beloved pizza pocket. These were one of my favourite after school snacks during primary school. Back then (look at me, showing my age), pizza pockets were available as a lunch option from the school canteen. Regulations about foods in schools have changed – are they still available in schools?

Perhaps I’m biased because I have fond memories of pizza pockets. Hawaiian or their term, “ham & pineapple” is my favourite.

Pizza-inspired varieties like “cheese and bacon”, “supreme” and “meatlovers” existed, but they these days I only see “cheese and bacon” and “ham and pineapple” in the freezer aisle.

Not quite a calzone but perhaps Ben Wyatt, too, would be a fan.

I embrace thee pizza pocket.

You may be packaged in weird packaging that remind me of mitosis (cell division) rather than individual packs.

Your surprisingly crusty, dry, stale shell. How do you keep so dry? When the likes of other meat-filled pastries (pies) are disappointingly soggy.

Microwaved as per instructions on a piece of paper towel, your crust is a little soggy on the exterior from condensation but your inside is ever dry.

Baked, your hard shell gives a nice little sound when tapped. The oven instructions for high heat, 220°C for 20 minutes, is enough to create the driest product possible.

You never change. From frozen to cooked, you look the same. Still appealing in your neat, round shape. Your pale golden colour, a trick that deceives the eyes. My boyfriend asks, “are they ready to eat yet?” whilst I take some photos and reply, “if you like them frozen”.

Your gooey, piping hot filling – with a mild-flavoured, stringy mozzarella cheese in a lightly herbed tomato sauce. It seems to be less filling than I recall from the past. the biggest downfall of the modern pizza pocket.

Your tiny rectangles of “manufactured” ham pieces, almost devon/luncheon ham like in your weird homogenous consistency. Made from real ingredients (just after multiple processed food machines), your red box reminds us.

The juicy, sweet pieces of pineapple, devoid of acidity, have as much become pieces of texture in amongst the gooey cheese, the spongey ham and the tomato sauce.

An ode to the pizza pocket. Ever convenient. Ever portable snack.

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